i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
