Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
