Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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