Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
