remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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