The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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