After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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