Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
