sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
