Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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