Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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