I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
