it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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