my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
