doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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