I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
