no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
