The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
