...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
