i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
