At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
