how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
