she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
