I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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