She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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