he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
