a search helicopter?!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
