I'm drive I can fine osifer
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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