Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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