i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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