Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
