thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
