I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
