yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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