try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
