Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
