Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
