I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
