The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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