Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
