i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
