I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
