Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
