Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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