Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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