I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm just crazy horny about you
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
