There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
