Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
