I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
