Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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