I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
