a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You dont lie about slip and slides
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
