Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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