We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
