Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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